Halloween: ReDeux
by Assassin's Argentine Tango
Summary: EXTREME OVERHAUL IN PROGRESS WITH NEW CHAPTERS, NEW DIALOGUE, AND MORE KILLINGS! Chapter 1 is up! This is just what I would've done with the movie/script. To be translated 2 French soon! Read & Review
1. A Mother's Love

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Mindi 'Dementia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

Michael: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Ritchie Van Der Klock- Moises Arias

Paul- James Franco

Bob Simms- Joe Jonas

Ritchie's Posse- Alec Grey, Laurel Weber, Edward Sanders

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Judith Myers- Mila Kunis

Steven Haley Jr.- Seth Green

Nancy the Cashier- America Ferrera

Sheriff Lee Brakett- Regis Philbin

Deborah Myers- Nancy Sullivan

Elizabeth Colins- Michelle Pfeiffer

Melinda Tyler- Diora Baird

Shandi Morrison- Chyler Leigh

Kyril Dvenovolo- Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Ashley Endworthy- Whitney Cummings

Jaden Brakett- Mitchell Musso

Orderly- Mo'nique

Michael: age 10- Chase Wright Vanek

Clover Destery: age 10- Jenny Gregg Stewart

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Layla Kester- Madison Davenport

Dr. Morgan- Eva Longoria Parker

Mr. Greene- John Ratzenberger

Dr. Koplenson- Charles Shaughnessy

Dr. Shore- Daniel Tosh

Miss Ravindale- Emile de Ravin

Dr. Eliss- Kurt Russell

Suzanne Marguerite- Chandra Wilson

Donny Kester- Max Thieriot

Dennis Brackett- Ryan Heinke

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Cynthia Strode- Uma Thurman

Mason Strode- Michael Keaton

Sandra Stien- Maude Apatow

Big Joe Grizzly- Ken Foree (Portrayed Grizzly perfectly)

Mama Bear- Pamela Anderson

Hunter Dobbs- Derek Hough

Harrison Deveraux- Greg Cipes

Nurse Wynn- Paris Hilton

Gloria the Receptionist- Isla Fischer

Macey Elliot- Lisa Kudrow

Principal Nolan Griffin- Daniel-Day Lewis

Mrs. Nichols- Kathleen Robertson

Frankie Val Deer- Tamara Mello

Rex Nathanson- Aaron Carter

John 'Ripley' Stanton- Tom Felton

Felix Donahue- Tom Kenny

Caleb Destery- Luke Wilson

Miriam Destery- Maggie Gyllenhaal

Isamel Cruz- Valente Rodriguez

A house is in an aerial view being zoomed in at a monotonous pace. It's a two-story home with a cast-iron gate in front of it. There are many Halloween decorations on the patio laid out in a scatterbrained fashion. We see a young boy who petting his pet mouse in the window.

MICHAEL: (Petting it daintily) Hi there Elvis! Aren't you looking spry today? (He gingerly rubs the fur between the rodents ears then with a single swift motion he snaps its neck)

JUDITH: (Knocking on door) Hey shitface! Let's go Mrs. Destery will be here soon and mom wants you to actually eat today.

MICHAEL: (He lets Elvis fall to the bottom of his cage) I'll be out in a minute. (He puts a disturbingly creepy clown mask over his face)

JUDITH: (She stand there with her arms folded) Stop jerking off, and get downstairs!

The two enter the kitchen were Deborah Myers who is making eggs and her semi-conscious pill-popper sister Elizabeth Collins who has a bassinet with a sleeping baby girl inside.

DEBORAH: (Noticing Judith grabbing cereal) Can't you see I'm making eggs?

JUDITH: (Innocently) Uhh… I'll pass.

DEBORAH: (Cocking her head) Uhh… since when?

JUDITH: (Pouring cereal into a bowl) Since now they're chicken abortions and they're fucking gross!

DEBORAH: (Scrambling the eggs) They are not!

ELIZABETH: (Weakly) She has a point! If it came from a cunt and didn't live to see a day it's an abortion… and you of all people should know an abortion when you see one!

JUDITH: (Trying not to laugh) See Aunt Liz gets me!

DEBORAH: (Turning to Michael) Are you having eggs sweetheart?

MICHAEL: (He nods 'yes') Can I have some cheese in it?

JUDITH: Why did you use up all your dick-cheese on Elvis? (She strokes Liz's pill bottle while moaning) Uhh… Elvis, oh! (She laughs at him)

MICHAEL: For your information he died this morning…

DEBORAH: (Attending to the saddened Michael) Aww… sweetie, I tell you what after school we'll go out and get you another mouse, okay?

MICHAEL: (Lifting his mask) Can we get a dog?

ELIZABETH: Why would you wanna waste your mommy's bucks on a mutt!

DEBORAH: (Hitting Liz on the back of her head) Hey! Someone has to make some goddamn money!

ELIZABETH: (She wearily swings her hand) I'm busted up here! I can't work until I'm fully healed from the surgeries!

DEBORAH: (She whisks more egg yolks) The car accident was three months ago!

ELIZABETH: …and I ain't fucking healed yet!

DEBORAH: (Turning back to the now burning eggs) Shit! (She grabs a fire extinguisher from underneath the sink as the alarm goes off) Judith remove the smoke alarm before I beat it with a bat! (Judith exits the kitchen as Deborah extinguishes the entire stovetop)

An hour later Mrs. Destery's van was now out front, and Michael couldn't wait to leave his train wreck of a family.

DEBORAH: (Zipping up Michael's coat) Alright, Michael, I'm not going to be here after school, so go home with Mrs. Destery with your friends and work on your project. I'll pick you up at five so you can get ready for tonight, understand?

MICHAEL: Yeah! Where are you going anyway?

DEBORAH: (Handing him is backpack) My boss wants me to put extentions in my hair and then have it curled, and tomorrow I'm dying it auburn.

MICHAEL: (Smiling) It's gonna look so awesome! Wait aren't you a telemarkoter?

DEBORAH: (She pauses thinking of how to tiptoe around this) My boss is promoting me to door-to-door saleswoman, er- and it's proven people respond better to brunettes than redheads!

JUDITH: (Passing by) Yes, especially horny older men! (Deborah trips her up in retaliation) That's abuse!

DEBORAH: Go cry to Steve!

JUDITH: (Flipping her mother the finger while walking away) Maybe I will…

DEBORAH: (Under breath) She's gonna be the death of me…

MICHAEL: (Hugging Deborah) Bye mom! I love you!

DEBORAH: (Not wanting to let go) I love you to sweetie! You know I wish your dad was here with us still…

MICHAEL: I wish that too, but… at least we still have you! (Mrs. Destery beeps her horn) I gotta go okay? (Deborah lets go of her son slowly and waves after him as he runs out the door)

DEBORAH: (Leaning on the front door frame as the van drives off) Bye! (She tears up slightly)


	2. Playing Dumb

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Mindi 'Dementia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

Michael: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Ritchie Van Der Klock- Moises Arias

Paul- James Franco

Bob Simms- Joe Jonas

Ritchie's Posse- Alec Grey, Laurel Weber, Edward Sanders

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Judith Myers- Mila Kunis

Steven Haley Jr.- Seth Green

Nancy the Cashier- America Ferrera

Sheriff Lee Brakett- Regis Philbin

Deborah Myers- Nancy Sullivan

Elizabeth Colins- Michelle Pfeiffer

Melinda Tyler- Diora Baird

Shandi Morrison- Chyler Leigh

Kyril Dvenovolo- Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Ashley Endworthy- Whitney Cummings

Jaden Brakett- Mitchell Musso

Orderly- Mo'nique

Michael: age 10- Chase Wright Vanek

Clover Destery: age 10- Jenny Gregg Stewart

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Layla Kester- Madison Davenport

Dr. Morgan- Eva Longoria Parker

Mr. Greene- John Ratzenberger

Dr. Koplenson- Charles Shaughnessy

Dr. Shore- Daniel Tosh

Miss Ravindale- Emile de Ravin

Dr. Eliss- Kurt Russell

Suzanne Marguerite- Chandra Wilson

Donny Kester- Max Thieriot

Dennis Brackett- Ryan Heinke

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Cynthia Strode- Uma Thurman

Mason Strode- Michael Keaton

Sandra Stien- Maude Apatow

Big Joe Grizzly- Ken Foree (Portrayed Grizzly perfectly)

Mama Bear- Pamela Anderson

Hunter Dobbs- Derek Hough

Harrison Deveraux- Greg Cipes

Nurse Wynn- Paris Hilton

Gloria the Receptionist- Isla Fischer

Macey Elliot- Lisa Kudrow

Principal Nolan Griffin- Daniel-Day Lewis

Mrs. Nichols- Kathleen Robertson

Frankie Val Deer- Tamara Mello

Rex Nathanson- Aaron Carter

John 'Ripley' Stanton- Tom Felton

Felix Donahue- Tom Kenny

Caleb Destery- Luke Wilson

Miriam Destery- Maggie Gyllenhaal

Isamel Cruz- Valente Rodriguez

MIRIAM: (Driving cautiously) So Michael how's your mom?

MICHAEL: (Barely listening) She's…good.

CLOVER: (In a low whisper) Michael, I heard that you had your first beer last week…

LAYLA: (Whispering too) How'd it taste?

MIRIAM: What are you guys talking about?

DONNY: The project title! We wanna keep it a secret for now! (Mrs. Destery shrugs)

MICHAEL: (Trying to keep a straight face) Like shit!

DONNY: (In a lower whisper so Layla, and Clover cannot hear) Hey what are you doing for your thirteenth birthday?

MICHAEL: (He shrugs) I dunno? I was thinking about just asking my mom for a small party… you know a little get together with you guys and my family.

DONNY: Are you going to hook up with Clover?

MICHAEL: (He messes with his hair) I want to, but I don't think she likes me back!

DONNY: Dude, she like bad boys and you're the badest kid at Haddonfield Middle School!

MICHAEL: (He laughs) No I'm not! Rex and Ripley are!

CLOVER: (Turning around) Rex and Ripley can suck my dick!

MICHAEL: (Blushing) How much of that did you hear?

CLOVER: All I heard was Rex and Ripley.

LAYLA: (She joins the conversation) Their complete fucktards!

DONNY: (Teasing her) If Dennis could hear you he'd dump your sorry ass!

LAYLA: (She perks her girls up) Not as long as I stay his little dancer!

CLOVER: Did you two do it?

LAYLA: (She scratches her head) Uhh… yeah!

CLOVER: (She giggles) When?

LAYLA: (She smiles) Last night!

CLOVER: Where?

LAYLA: At the farm!

CLOVER: (The two girls giggle extremely) Is he big!

LAYLA: (She takes out her Glue stick) Double That!

CLOVER: (She bursts out laughing then she says rather loudly) How does he contain it?

MIRIAM: (She looks in the rearview mirror at them) Contain what?

CLOVER: (Stammering) Uhh…

LAYLA: Err…

DONNY: (Jumping in for a save) His snake!

MIRIAM: (She shudders) I don't like snakes they're slippery and they cause trouble!

CLOVER: (In a low whisper) That's how I came to be…

MICHAEL: (To Donny in a whisper) Snake?

LAYLA: More like trousersnake…

Mrs. Destery drops them off in front of the Middle School were they meet up with their friend Dennis Brackett who is glowing magnanimously. The five all head down the small terrace were gym classes were held when they suddenly were stopped by to hulking teens. In short; Rex and Ripley. Rex Nathanson the only ninth grader held back from entering high school. He's the guy at school all the girls want to get with; however in truth, he was a closeted gay teen who caught crabs from this party. Apparently he got it after giving head to six guys then did other things, which if you did while sober you'd immediately become an outcast. He hides his true nature by using the old bully cover up. His right hand man, John 'Ripley' Stanton, at six foot he was the tallest student at the school. Only a year younger than Michael he still managed to kick the shit out of him every chance he got. Unlike Rex though, Ripley was straighter than a blade's edge and such a homophobe to boot that if Rex ever came out Ripley would tear him to pieces.

REX: (Pushing Michael) Hey Myers, are you gonna pay up?

RIPLEY: (Cracking his knuckles) Remember our agreement? Your lunch money or we put pictures of mommy up on the school bulletin board.

MICHAEL: (Twitching) _Fuck you_!

REX: (Snickering) Oh, a tough guy, huh? (He smacks Michael's head) Well what are you going to do about it…

CLOVER: (Pushing Rex back) Leave him alone, Rex!

RIPLEY: (He shoves Clover to the ground) Stay out of this you stupid bitch.

CLOVER: (Seeing Michael's fists clenched) Michael! Stop… it's fine. We're not going to stoop to their level. (She gets up and dusts herself off) Lets go, guys.

The others who we're too afraid to do anything meekly follow them.

RIPLEY: (Grimacing sardonically) Hey pussy! Do you think your whore-mother would suck my dick for a quarter?

MICHAEL: (Losing control he attacks Ripley with an extreme heated rage) Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! (At this point Ripley is bleeding profusely)

REX: (Scared) Hey get off him! (Michael bites his arm)

DONNY: (Noticing the principal coming their way) It's Griffin! Scatter! (Everyone but Michael, Clover, and Ripley run)

NOLAN GRIFFIN: (Separating the two) What the hell is going on here?

RIPLEY: (Wiping blood off) He-

PRINCIPAL GRIFFIN: Shut up! (Looking at Michael) You! Why is it that every time I have some little problem, even the smallest tiff, you are involved?


	3. A Picture says 1000 Words

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Mindi 'Dementia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

Michael: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Ritchie Van Der Klock- Moises Arias

Paul- James Franco

Bob Simms- Joe Jonas

Ritchie's Posse- Alec Grey, Laurel Weber, Edward Sanders

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Judith Myers- Mila Kunis

Steven Haley Jr.- Seth Green

Nancy the Cashier- America Ferrera

Sheriff Lee Brackett- Regis Philbin

Deborah Myers- Nancy Sullivan

Elizabeth Collins- Michelle Pfeiffer

Melinda Tyler- Diora Baird

Shandi Morrison- Chyler Leigh

Kyril Dvenovolo- Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Ashley Endworthy- Whitney Cummings

Jaden Brackett- Mitchell Musso

Orderly- Mo'nique

Michael: age 10- Chase Wright Vanek

Clover Destery: age 10- Jenny Gregg Stewart

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Layla Kester- Madison Davenport

Dr. Morgan- Eva Longoria Parker

Mr. Greene- John Ratzenberger

Dr. Koplenson- Charles Shaughnessy

Dr. Shore- Daniel Tosh

Miss Ravindale- Emile de Ravin

Dr. Eliss- Kurt Russell

Suzanne Marguerite- Chandra Wilson

Donny Kester- Max Thieriot

Dennis Brackett- Ryan Heinke

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Cynthia Strode- Uma Thurman

Mason Strode- Michael Keaton

Sandra Stien- Maude Apatow

Big Joe Grizzly- Ken Foree (Portrayed Grizzly perfectly)

Mama Bear- Pamela Anderson

Hunter Dobbs- Derek Hough

Harrison Deveraux- Greg Cipes

Nurse Wynn- Paris Hilton

Gloria the Receptionist- Isla Fischer

Macey Elliot- Lisa Kudrow

Principal Nolan Griffin- Daniel-Day Lewis

Mrs. Nichols- Kathleen Robertson

Frankie Val Deer- Tamara Mello

Rex Nathanson- Aaron Carter

John 'Ripley' Stanton- Tom Felton

Felix Donahue- Tom Kenny

Caleb Destery- Luke Wilson

Miriam Destery- Maggie Gyllenhaal

It's quiet as Michael waits outside of the principal's office while Griffin and his mother discuss the severity as the vice Principal Mrs. Nichols tried to calm down Mrs. Stanton in her office across the hallway.

DEBORAH: (From inside the office wearing a large furry coat to make up for her lack of clothing) Look Nolan, it's now once a week you have to call me down here now, so let's cut the shit and talk about what we can do for Michael to get him out of these situations.

PRINCIPAL GRIFFIN: (Looking out at Michael with a rather sullen look) I can't sweep this one under the carpet like the last time. This time he actually caused harm to another student Deborah!

DEBORAH: (Leaning her hands onto the desk) Well I'm sure this other guy Ripley started it somehow. (Principal Griffin takes out the advertisement that has Mrs. Myers relatively naked on it) So what are we going to do about this?

GRIFFIN: (He leans his head into his hands and looks across the way, past Michael only to see Mrs. Nichols getting an earful from John's mother) I've hired a behavioral psychologist to monitor Michael for the next few- (He is cut off)

DEBORAH: (Slamming her palms down) Out of the question! Nolan, we both have talked to Michael, and have agreed that he's not dangerous. A little short-fused at times, yes, but not a danger in any way.

Outside in the hallway Michael watches the silent gesture battle his mother and Principal Griffin are having through the widow outside the principal's office as a cooler looking older man with jet-black hair, dark sunglasses, and a trench coat walked by him and into the office.

GRIFFIN: (Finishing his thought as Loomis makes his way in) My hands are tied Deb, with Martha Stanton threatening to sue the school I have no other choice. (He looks up to this man as he enters) Hello there Sam, (he gets up from behind his desk and warmly shakes the man's hand like good friends would) thanks from coming on short notice. (Sitting down again) Sam, I'd like you to meet Mrs. Deborah Myers, Michael's mother.

DR. SAMUEL LOOMIS: (Shaking the curt and drawn back Mrs. Myers hand) Hello there Mrs. Myers, my name is doctor Samuel Loomis, principal Griffin has called me here today because your son has a few issues with anger.

DEBORAH: (Getting angry) What the fuck is this, Nolan?! Now Michael has anger issues? (She sits down in the chair next to Dr. Loomis) I'm sorry Dr. Loomis, but my son doesn't have anger issues… what he has is bullying issues (She glares at Griffin), which I don't understand why you aren't counseling the boy who provoked Michael. (She gets up) Until you stop the bullying Michael will not be attending your abusive collective known as Haddonfield middle school. (She starts walking towards the door)

GRIFFIN: (Looking away) Show her, Sam.

DEBORAH: (She stops in her tracks and slightly cranes her neck around her shoulder) Show me what? (She stops herself as Loomis pulls out from his trench coat a few dozen Polaroid pictures and shows them to Deborah) What?! (She takes the photos, which appeared to be of dead or diseased animals) The Fuck?! (She keeps reviewing them) This is sick. Why would Michael do this? Michael, he- Michael loves animals. (She grimly deduces how Elvis passed away earlier)

GRIFFIN: (He opens his left side drawer which had been locked for some time now, and when it was opened it produced the most sickening aroma of death) We found this in Michael's locker. (He pulls out a large zip lock which contained a decaying squirrel)

Mrs. Myers is left dumbstruck as Loomis gravely tells her what must be done.

LOOMIS: Mrs. Myers I know this must be tough, but I must evaluate Michael for the next few weeks to see if he may be a danger to himself or others.

Michael has since slipped away from all the commotion, has collected his backpack, and gone to the front where he slinks out as the final bell rings for the day. Michael watches Rex from across the street as he leaves talking to a stupid slut on the corner.

REX: (Ashes his cigarette out) The next time I see that pussy-bitch Myers I'll fucking kick his ass! (He flicks the butt towards the street) Alright, peace April. (He walks down the sidewalk with a cocky swagger that turns off everyone walking on the same side of the street as him)

CLOVER: (Tapping Michael on the shoulder) Hey, my mom is running late. She'll be here in a half an hour, so I'm going to round up the others before she gets here.

MICHAEL: (He looks up at the trees, which have the turning leaves in them) Can I borrow your camera? It's such a nice day for pictures.

CLOVER: (She seems taken aback at the request, but pulls out her camera from her bag anyway) Uhh… yeah. Sure, just be careful with it. (She bites her lip gently) I- I'm going to look for the others. Be right back.

Michael doesn't stir when she leaves his side, but rather heads down the block with the camera securely in his pocket. He has a good enough distance between himself and Rex before Rex cuts off into the woods, and Michael crosses the street so he could follow Rex further.

REX: (Stops in a dense patch of shrubbery where a much taller, ripped, and toned teenage boy sat on a stump provocatively) Dirty Harry. (Rex winks as he goes up closer and deeply kisses the bigger guy with such passion that Michael has to stop himself from vomiting) So why have you been away lately? (He whispered into the guy's ear after breaking off) Was it the whole coming out of the closet thing because I'm sooooo close! (He is moaning rather than speaking now)

Michael was disgusted by the whole display, but got some very candid pictures of Rex for the whole school to see. He was particularly grossed out when the swapped head.

HARRISON: (Fucking Rex hard on the log) Yeah you little bitch, cum for Dirty Harry!

REX: (So aroused he can't keep his head up) Come on, Harry! Almost t-there! (He looks up for a second, catches sight of Clover's Polaroid camera flash, and stops) What the fuck?!

HARRISON: (Stopping and turning his head around he sees Michael) Get the fuck out of here you little turd!

REX: (Seeing Michael's face) You little bastard! I'm going to kill you! Give me that fucking camer-a-a-a-ah! (He yelled and moaned while Harrison pulled out quickly)

Harrison turns towards Michael and charges at him full force, but Michael swiftly avoids him, and starts to beat Harrison to death with a rather large tree branch. Rex recoils from that last moment of penetration, gets up, and witnesses his lover being beaten to death by Michael.

REX: (He runs over to Harrison and Michael pushing Michael away from the now late Dirty Harry) What the hell did you do Myers?! (He knelt there next to the bloody and beaten young man cradling the hulking teen in his scrawnier arms) You little motherfucker!

Rex gets up from crying as Michael slices off Rex's hard-on with Rex falling to the ground with a terrible screech of pain. Michael approached the naked teen with the same bludgeoned branch he'd just used. Rex was curled into the fetal position holding the bleeding and hemorrhaging stump where his dick used to be. Rex was crying out with no affect as Michael tossed the branch aside with the dismembered member, and held the blade he brandished in earnest watching Rex suffer.

MICHAEL: (Picking up the dismembered member in his gloved hand) Faggot-boy! Why you got a dick in your mouth?! (He shoved Rex's cock into Rex's mouth down so far he began to choke violently) Don't worry this'll only hurt for the rest of your afterlife. (He waited for Rex to finish choking before he tossed the blade away from the bodies)


	4. Kiss and Tell

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Mindi 'Dementia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

Michael: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Ritchie Van Der Klock- Moises Arias

Paul- James Franco

Bob Simms- Joe Jonas

Ritchie's Posse- Alec Grey, Laurel Weber, Edward Sanders

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Judith Myers- Mila Kunis

Steven Haley Jr.- Seth Green

Nancy the Cashier- America Ferrera

Sheriff Lee Brackett- Regis Philbin

Deborah Myers- Nancy Sullivan

Elizabeth Collins- Michelle Pfeiffer

Melinda Tyler- Diora Baird

Shandi Morrison- Chyler Leigh

Kyril Dvenovolo- Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Ashley Endworthy- Whitney Cummings

Jaden Brackett- Mitchell Musso

Orderly- Mo'nique

Michael: age 10- Chase Wright Vanek

Clover Destery: age 10- Jenny Gregg Stewart

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Layla Kester- Madison Davenport

Dr. Morgan- Eva Longoria Parker

Mr. Greene- John Ratzenberger

Dr. Koplenson- Charles Shaughnessy

Dr. Shore- Daniel Tosh

Miss Ravindale- Emile de Ravin

Dr. Eliss- Kurt Russell

Suzanne Marguerite- Chandra Wilson

Donny Kester- Max Thieriot

Dennis Brackett- Ryan Heinke

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Cynthia Strode- Uma Thurman

Mason Strode- Michael Keaton

Sandra Stien- Maude Apatow

Big Joe Grizzly- Ken Foree (Portrayed Grizzly perfectly)

Mama Bear- Pamela Anderson

Hunter Dobbs- Derek Hough

Harrison Deveraux- Greg Cipes

Nurse Wynn- Paris Hilton

Gloria the Receptionist- Isla Fischer

Macey Elliot- Lisa Kudrow

Principal Nolan Griffin- Daniel-Day Lewis

Mrs. Nichols- Kathleen Robertson

Frankie Val Deer- Tamara Mello

Rex Nathanson- Aaron Carter

John 'Ripley' Stanton- Tom Felton

Felix Donahue- Tom Kenny

Caleb Destery- Luke Wilson

Miriam Destery- Maggie Gyllenhaal

It's almost three thirty and Clover is still waiting on everyone to meet up with her, so Clover's mom could take them back to her house to start the project. Clover looks down the street and sees Michael coming up looking a little disheveled. She runs up to him.

CLOVER: (In front of Michael) Are you okay, Mike? (She gently grabbed his hand and he tore apart) Mike, you're scaring me. (She leans in close so they are now forehead to forehead) Thanks for sticking up to Rex for the both of us earlier, which was very noble. (She kisses him on the cheek)

MICHAEL: (Leans his head up and starts to make out with Clover and after a minute they break apart) Wow… that was a whole lot better than I imagined.

CLOVER: (Blushing and smiling) You're telling me… I've waited two years now for that. (She giggles and takes Michael's hand as Dennis, Donny, and Layla walk towards them cheering for the two just to embarrass them)

The whole afternoon Michael felt the happiest he'd ever felt in a long time, Rex and Ripley where no longer a problem, Clover did like him back, and nothing could get his mood down… until. He was sitting with Clover on the front porch swing, everyone else had left, and he remained holding her hand when-

JUDITH: (Pulling up beeping the horn of her car) Come on shit face! I need to go pick up Steve from work then grab dinner for tonight!

Michael hesitated before leaving Clover's side. He got closer and kissed her goodbye for now, but Clover wouldn't let go of his hand.

MICHAEL: (Smiling at Clover delicately) I'll see you tonight after trick or treating. Dennis and Layla are coming over, but Donny is staying home because he's a bitch! (The two laughed for a second until Judith hit the horn again) See you then.

CLOVER: (Kisses Mike's cheek again) Alright, well until then. (She smiles and waves watching Michael walk away even though she didn't know that'd be the last time they'd kiss)

MICHAEL: (Getting into the backseat of Judith's car feeling the happiness deplete from his soul) You are still taking me out trick or treating tonight right?

JUDITH: (Plucking a cigarette from her purse and lighting it with a laugh) Now that's hysterical, because all I have planned tonight is getting really baked and getting fucked by Steve. (She blows out the smoke) Now what's up with you and Clover? (Being a brat) Does Mikey have a little girlfrwiend? (She laughs harder as Michael grows red with anger)

The two don't speak to each other until they pull up at the McDonalds where Judith's boyfriend Steve worked, and it was at this McDonalds where Michael killed his first animal, a rabbit.

STEVE: (Jumping into the passenger's seat he slobbers Judith's face with kisses and is about to undo her bra when he notices Michael in the backseat) What the fuck Judith? (He rolls his eyes and removes himself from her) Hello fudge packer… (Steve's nickname for Michael even though in this circumstance he was wrong)

JUDITH: (Changing the station) Shut the fuck up, Steve! For you information shit face has a girlfriend now. (She drives away from the McDonalds) He's becoming a man.

STEVE: (He lights a blunt up) Until this little douche smokes weed, gets his dick sucked, and kills someone he'll never be a man. (He hits it and coughs a little) Which gives me a good idea! (He hits it again and passes it to Michael) Here you hit it, turd! Puff, puff, pass!

JUDITH: (Glaring at Steve) Hey fuckface! He can't be getting high with us! (Steve gives her a look) Because you stupid motherfucker, he's twelve, and- (Michael hits it twice and passes it to Judith) Damn… at least he goes in rotation… asshole! (She hits the dutch)

STEVE: (Looking back at Michael) How'd that Granddaddy treating you shit brains? (Michael doesn't answer or even move) You little bitch ass! Haha.

Once home Michael pigs out on leftover spaghetti with the hunger of a third world country to back him up. He was retarded until his mother got home around six for dinner, which, that too, Michael inhaled gratefully.

DEBORAH: (Washing dishes) So sweetie, for the next few days Principal Griffin is bringing in someone who you can talk to about anything… You know you can do that with me too… right? (Michael nodded happily) Alright, well go get changed.

Michael scurries from the table to his bedroom to change into his Halloween costume.

JUDITH: (Still high as a kite) He has a girlfriend now.

ELIZABETH: (Interested deeply) Who that ass-boy nephew of mine?

DEBORAH: (Still washing dishes) Liz, shut your mouth! Who Judith?

JUDITH: (She giggles) That little trick he hangs around with… uhh… Carmen or Clara or umm…

DEBORAH: (Finishing the dishes) Clover? (She seemed relieved by this news) I like Clover, she's a nice girl, and very pretty.

JUDITH: (Being her usual bitchy self) What's wrong with her? Who would date Michael? He's no prize… (She, Steve, and Liz laugh completely high out of their minds)

DEBORAH: (Getting really mad at the trio of troublemakers) Shut up! All of you! (She wheels Liz into the living room to separate one bad influence from another) Now Judith… (She walks back into the kitchen quickly) be nice to your brother tonight while you take him trick or treating. (She swatted Judith on the dome stingingly as Michael returns dressed in a clown costume) Oh Michael! (She smiles and kneels down to his level and hugs him) Be good tonight. Okay! Tomorrow when I get home we are going to talk young man. (She kisses his cheek and smiles) I love you!

MICHAEL: (Feeling slightly warm inside, but mostly like crap after hearing everyone talk about him… this house was not soundproof) I love you too mom, and I really like your hair like that too. (He annotates to her dark brown hair)

DEBORAH: Why thank you sunshine. (She kisses him on the cheek) Alright, mommy is going to work, while Judith and Steve will take you trick or treating, be good tonight, and don't eat too much candy. (She and Michael giggle) Soooo… (She stands up and turns to Judith and Steve) I want you out by ten, (She tells Steve) no exceptions!

JUDITH: (Walking her mother out the door) Calm down mom, it's not like you're not doing the same thing. (Deborah hushes Judith) Besides he usually stays until you're just about to get home. Have a good night at work. (Deborah slams the door behind her)

Steve walks up behind Judith and massages her neck in kisses. The two start to head upstairs when Michael starts to walk out into the hallway.

MICHAEL: (A little confused and upset) What about trick or treating, mom said you two were taking me.

JUDITH: (Sighing heavily) Look runt, you're old enough to go out by yourself, and when have I ever cared about what mom says? I never had and have no reason to start now. (The two run upstairs) HAPPY HALLOWEEN ASS-BOY!

With that Michael lowers his head and walks out the door with the sounds of Judith, and Steve laughing relentlessly at him.


	5. The life and times of Lynda Van Der Klok

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Mindi 'Dementia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

Michael: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Ritchie Van Der Klock- Moises Arias

Paul- James Franco

Bob Simms- Joe Jonas

Ritchie's Posse- Alec Grey, Laurel Weber, Edward Sanders

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Judith Myers- Mila Kunis

Steven Haley Jr.- Seth Green

Nancy the Cashier- America Ferrera

Sheriff Lee Brackett- Regis Philbin

Deborah Myers- Nancy Sullivan

Elizabeth Collins- Michelle Pfeiffer

Melinda Tyler- Diora Baird

Shandi Morrison- Chyler Leigh

Kyril Dvenovolo- Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Ashley Endworthy- Whitney Cummings

Jaden Brackett- Mitchell Musso

Orderly- Mo'nique

Michael: age 10- Chase Wright Vanek

Clover Destery: age 10- Jenny Gregg Stewart

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Layla Kester- Madison Davenport

Dr. Morgan- Eva Longoria Parker

Mr. Greene- John Ratzenberger

Dr. Koplenson- Charles Shaughnessy

Dr. Shore- Daniel Tosh

Miss Ravindale- Emile de Ravin

Dr. Eliss- Kurt Russell

Suzanne Marguerite- Chandra Wilson

Donny Kester- Max Thieriot

Dennis Brackett- Ryan Heinke

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Cynthia Strode- Uma Thurman

Mason Strode- Michael Keaton

Sandra Stien- Maude Apatow

Big Joe Grizzly- Ken Foree (Portrayed Grizzly perfectly)

Mama Bear- Pamela Anderson

Hunter Dobbs- Derek Hough

Harrison Deveraux- Greg Cipes

Nurse Wynn- Paris Hilton

Gloria the Receptionist- Isla Fischer

Macey Elliot- Lisa Kudrow

Principal Nolan Griffin- Daniel-Day Lewis

Mrs. Nichols- Kathleen Robertson

Frankie Val Deer- Tamara Mello

Rex Nathanson- Aaron Carter

John 'Ripley' Stanton- Tom Felton

Felix Donahue- Tom Kenny

Caleb Destery- Luke Wilson

Miriam Destery- Maggie Gyllenhaal

It's quiet as Michael waits outside of the principal's office while Griffin and his mother discuss the severity as the vice Principal Mrs. Nichols tried to calm down Mrs. Stanton in her office across the hallway.

DEBORAH: (From inside the office wearing a large furry coat to make up for her lack of clothing) Look Nolan, it's now once a week you have to call me down here now, so let's cut the shit and talk about what we can do for Michael to get him out of these situations.

PRINCIPAL GRIFFIN: (Looking out at Michael with a rather sullen look) I can't sweep this one under the carpet like the last time. This time he actually caused harm to another student Deborah!

DEBORAH: (Leaning her hands onto the desk) Well I'm sure this other guy Ripley started it somehow. (Principal Griffin takes out the advertisement that has Mrs. Myers relatively naked on it) So what are we going to do about this?

GRIFFIN: (He leans his head into his hands and looks across the way, past Michael only to see Mrs. Nichols getting an earful from John's mother) I've hired a behavioral psychologist to monitor Michael for the next few- (He is cut off)

DEBORAH: (Slamming her palms down) Out of the question! Nolan, we both have talked to Michael, and have agreed that he's not dangerous. A little short-fused at times, yes, but not a danger in any way.

Outside in the hallway Michael watches the silent gesture battle his mother and Principal Griffin are having through the widow outside the principal's office as a cooler looking older man with jet-black hair, dark sunglasses, and a trench coat walked by him and into the office.

GRIFFIN: (Finishing his thought as Loomis makes his way in) My hands are tied Deb, with Martha Stanton threatening to sue the school I have no other choice. (He looks up to this man as he enters) Hello there Sam, (he gets up from behind his desk and warmly shakes the man's hand like good friends would) thanks from coming on short notice. (Sitting down again) Sam, I'd like you to meet Mrs. Deborah Myers, Michael's mother.

DR. SAMUEL LOOMIS: (Shaking the curt and drawn back Mrs. Myers hand) Hello there Mrs. Myers, my name is doctor Samuel Loomis, principal Griffin has called me here today because your son has a few issues with anger.

DEBORAH: (Getting angry) What the fuck is this, Nolan?! Now Michael has anger issues? (She sits down in the chair next to Dr. Loomis) I'm sorry Dr. Loomis, but my son doesn't have anger issues… what he has is bullying issues (She glares at Griffin), which I don't understand why you aren't counseling the boy who provoked Michael. (She gets up) Until you stop the bullying Michael will not be attending your abusive collective known as Haddonfield middle school. (She starts walking towards the door)

GRIFFIN: (Looking away) Show her, Sam.

DEBORAH: (She stops in her tracks and slightly cranes her neck around her shoulder) Show me what? (She stops herself as Loomis pulls out from his trench coat a few dozen Polaroid pictures and shows them to Deborah) What?! (She takes the photos, which appeared to be of dead or diseased animals) The Fuck?! (She keeps reviewing them) This is sick. Why would Michael do this? Michael, he- Michael loves animals. (She grimly deduces how Elvis passed away earlier)

GRIFFIN: (He opens his left side drawer which had been locked for some time now, and when it was opened it produced the most sickening aroma of death) We found this in Michael's locker. (He pulls out a large zip lock which contained a decaying squirrel)

Mrs. Myers is left dumbstruck as Loomis gravely tells her what must be done.

LOOMIS: Mrs. Myers I know this must be tough, but I must evaluate Michael for the next few weeks to see if he may be a danger to himself or others.

Michael has since slipped away from all the commotion, has collected his backpack, and gone to the front where he slinks out as the final bell rings for the day. Michael watches Rex from across the street as he leaves talking to a stupid slut on the corner.

REX: (Ashes his cigarette out) The next time I see that pussy-bitch Myers I'll fucking kick his ass! (He flicks the butt towards the street) Alright, peace April. (He walks down the sidewalk with a cocky swagger that turns off everyone walking on the same side of the street as him)

CLOVER: (Tapping Michael on the shoulder) Hey, my mom is running late. She'll be here in a half an hour, so I'm going to round up the others before she gets here.

MICHAEL: (He looks up at the trees, which have the turning leaves in them) Can I borrow your camera? It's such a nice day for pictures.

CLOVER: (She seems taken aback at the request, but pulls out her camera from her bag anyway) Uhh… yeah. Sure, just be careful with it. (She bites her lip gently) I- I'm going to look for the others. Be right back.

Michael doesn't stir when she leaves his side, but rather heads down the block with the camera securely in his pocket. He has a good enough distance between himself and Rex before Rex cuts off into the woods, and Michael crosses the street so he could follow Rex further.

REX: (Stops in a dense patch of shrubbery where a much taller, ripped, and toned teenage boy sat on a stump provocatively) Dirty Harry. (Rex winks as he goes up closer and deeply kisses the bigger guy with such passion that Michael has to stop himself from vomiting) So why have you been away lately? (He whispered into the guy's ear after breaking off) Was it the whole coming out of the closet thing because I'm sooooo close! (He is moaning rather than speaking now)

Michael was disgusted by the whole display, but got some very candid pictures of Rex for the whole school to see. He was particularly grossed out when the swapped head.

HARRISON: (Fucking Rex hard on the log) Yeah you little bitch, cum for Dirty Harry!

REX: (So aroused he can't keep his head up) Come on, Harry! Almost t-there! (He looks up for a second, catches sight of Clover's Polaroid camera flash, and stops) What the fuck?!

HARRISON: (Stopping and turning his head around he sees Michael) Get the fuck out of here you little turd!

REX: (Seeing Michael's face) You little bastard! I'm going to kill you! Give me that fucking camer-a-a-a-ah! (He yelled and moaned while Harrison pulled out quickly)

Harrison turns towards Michael and charges at him full force, but Michael swiftly avoids him, and starts to beat Harrison to death with a rather large tree branch. Rex recoils from that last moment of penetration, gets up, and witnesses his lover being beaten to death by Michael.

REX: (He runs over to Harrison and Michael pushing Michael away from the now late Dirty Harry) What the hell did you do Myers?! (He knelt there next to the bloody and beaten young man cradling the hulking teen in his scrawnier arms) You little motherfucker!

Rex gets up from crying as Michael slices off Rex's hard-on with Rex falling to the ground with a terrible screech of pain. Michael approached the naked teen with the same bludgeoned branch he'd just used. Rex was curled into the fetal position holding the bleeding and hemorrhaging stump where his dick used to be. Rex was crying out with no affect as Michael tossed the branch aside with the dismembered member, and held the blade he brandished in earnest watching Rex suffer.

MICHAEL: (Picking up the dismembered member in his gloved hand) Faggot-boy! Why you got a dick in your mouth?! (He shoved Rex's cock into Rex's mouth down so far he began to choke violently) Don't worry this'll only hurt for the rest of your afterlife. (He waited for Rex to finish choking before he tossed the blade away from the bodies)


	6. A Creeper afoot!

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Mindi 'Dementia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

Michael: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Ritchie Van Der Klock- Moises Arias

Paul- James Franco

Bob Simms- Joe Jonas

Ritchie's Posse- Alec Grey, Laurel Weber, Edward Sanders

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Judith Myers- Mila Kunis

Steven Haley Jr.- Seth Green

Nancy the Cashier- America Ferrera

Sheriff Lee Brakett- Regis Philbin

Deborah Myers- Nancy Sullivan

Elizabeth Myers- Michelle Pfeiffer

Melinda Tyler- Diora Baird

Shandi Morrison- Chyler Leigh

Kyril Dvenovolo- Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Ashley Endwory- Whitney Cummings

Jaden Brakett- Mitchell Musso

Orderly- Mo'nique

Michael: age 10- Chase Wright Vanek

Clover Destery: age 10- Jenny Gregg Stewart

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Layla Kester- Madison Davenport

Dr. Morgan- Eva Longoria Parker

Mr. Greene- John Ratzenberger

Dr. Koplenson- Charles Shaughnessy

Dr. Shore- Daniel Tosh

Miss Ravindale- Emile de Ravin

Dr. Eliss- Kurt Russell

Suzanne Marguerite- Chandra Wilson

Donny Kester- Max Thieriot

Dennis Brackett- Ryan Heinke

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Cynthia Strode- Uma Thurman

Mason Strode- Michael Keaton

Sandra Stien- Maude Apatow

Big Joe Grizzly- Ken Foree (Portrayed Grizzly perfectly)

Mama Bear- Pamela Anderson

Hunter Dobbs- Derek Hough

Harrison Deveraux- Greg Cipes

Nurse Wynn- Paris Hilton

Gloria the Receptionist- Isla Fischer

Macey Elliot- Lisa Kudrow

Principal Nolan Griffin- Daniel-Day Lewis

Mrs. Nichols- Kathleen Robertson

Rex Nathanson- Aaron Carter

John 'Ripley' Stanton- Tom Felton

Felix Donahue- Tom Kenny

Caleb Destery- Luke Wilson

Miriam Destery- Maggie Gyllenhaal

Richard Myers- Patrick Dempsey

Isamel Cruz- Valente Rodriguez

LAURIE: (She falls back in shock and nearly chokes) Fuck! (Shape disappears) Oh my God! (Her phone rings) Hello. (Chews) Hello? (Chews) Who is this? Annie if this is you I swear to god I'll fucking send a harpoon through your breasts (slams down phone, it rings again) Hello?

LYNDA: Why'd you hang up on me?

LAURIE: Lynda? Was that you?

LYNDA: Of course. Now what's this about a harpoon and my breasts?

LAURIE: (She plops onto her bed) Uh... Why didn't you say anything, you fucking scared me.

LYNDA: My dad was asking me a question, and- well it's not important.

LAURIE: I thought it might be a dirty phone call.

LYNDA: (Giggling) Babe, if a guy ever tries that shit on you I bet you'd scare him back! Listen I was wondering if I would like to come to my dad's beach house this weekend?

LAURIE: (She sits up with a start) Oh... umm?

LYNDA: Well you have until tonight to decide because I haven't asked, yet.

LAURIE: (Looks out the window again) Well what makes your think he won't say no?

LYNDA: Well… I bribed him.

LAURIE: (She can't help but laugh at that) What could you possibly have bribed him with?

LYNDA: Oh, the usual, beer, smokes, and chores.

LAURIE: …and if that doesn't work?

LYNDA: I'll just pull out the old, _Daddy's little princess suck-up routine_, and I'll get my way… again. (Pauses) Oh shit! I gotta get ready!

LAURIE: Okay…

LYNDA: Alrighty! Then I'll see you in a little.

LAURIE: (She clicks the 'END' button) I think she just wants to see me die of boredom!

Laurie exits her room a few seconds later in her silk modesty robe that only covers up to her mid-thigh.

CYNTHIA: (Holding freshly laundered clothes) What's in the skillet Laurie?

LAURIE: Oh God! So much!

CYNTHIA: Lay in on me!

LAURIE: Well Lynda is in trouble for a stunt at school…

CYNTHIA: (Laughing) Laurie when has that ever not happened!

LAURIE: I know right!

CYNTHIA: What else?

LAURIE: (Enters the bathroom and closes the door) …and Annie's engaged and possibly pregnant, so they're gonna elope to Vegas!

CYNTHIA: (Leaning on wall next to linen closet) Well it's about time! I mean she should settle down and since Paul is your cousin it's highly likely you'll be the Maid of Honor!

LAURIE: (Turns on the water) You know what… I should I mean they want to use my Mercedes to elope, so I should at least be the Maid of Honor!

CYNTHIA: They wanna borrow your Mercedes, and elope? (She hits her head with her hand) The pipes are on the fritz again!

LAURIE: (She shifts her eyes) What did you say? (She gets in the shower) AHHHHHH!

CYNTHIA: (Walking away) Does anyone ever listen to me? No…!

Down the block Mindi is trying to escape the pursuit of the deranged Shape.

MINDI: (Clunking her thick heels as she runs) Fuck me!

A couple minutes later Laurie comes down stairs with towel on head and in her silk robe as the doorbell rings twice. Laurie slowly answers it as her neighbor Mindi Loiffier pushes herself in.

MINDI: Hurry up, hurry up!

LAURIE: What's wrong?

MINDI: Shut the door, shut the door! Some freak is following me! (They both look out the windows on the sides of the door)

LAURIE: (Seeing no one) Are you sure?

MINDI: (Backing away) Yeah I'm sure. I think it's my ex-boyfriend, Dylan. I couldn't see him very well, but I think it's him. He's been stalking me lately because I broke up with him and then he found out I'm carrying his bastard child. His brother has a station wagon.

Station wagon pulls up across street.

LAURIE: (She rubs her eyes) Shut the fuck up! That car was watching Lynda, Annie and me. (She shifts her gaze towards her) Why are you in my house when your house is next door?

MINDI: My door is locked and my sister is out on a- (Redirecting conversation) Dylan was staring at you?

LAURIE: Somebody was. A while ago he was also in my backyard.

MINDI: Which way was he looking? (Cynthia enters) Holla, Mrs. Strode!

CYNTHIA: Did your sister lock you out again?

MINDI: Yes.

CYNTHIA: (Arranging Japanese Friendship Lilies in a vase) You're welcome to stay for dinner!

MINDI: I'd love to, but I'd rather not intrude on you and Mr. Strode's time together! Besides I have work tonight!

LAURIE: (Answering the question) He was looking up at me.

CYNTHIA: (Facing them) Who?

MINDI: My ex Dylan.

LAURIE: We can't be so sure it could have been some pervert.

Doorbell rings again Cynthia grabs revolver from drawer and opens door to greet Annie.

ANNIE: (Noticing gun then throwing her hands up) Mrs. Strode! What the hell?

CYNTHIA: Sorry Annie.

ANNIE: (Regaining her breath while simultaneously clutching her heart) What is this a sewing circle?

MINDI: My ex Dylan is stalking me, Laurie, and now you and Lynda.

ANNIE: No that's Will Binder. I followed him over here. I recognize the car.

CYNTHIA: It could be Mr. Grotch

LAURIE: (Putting her hands on her hips) Wouldn't put it past him.

ANNIE: I heard Dylan moved to Canada after you lied about that statewide manhunt on him. Nice lie since your dad is the mayor. (Cynthia's phone rings)

CYNTHIA: (Startled) Jesus!

ANNIE: (Jokingly) Now he's calling your neighbors.

MINDI: Shut up!

LAURIE: Well answer it mom; it's just a phone.

CYNTHIA: (Picking up phone) Hello?

LAURIE, ANNIE, and MINDI: (in a whisper) Who is it?

LYNDA: Cynthia, is your pin-up of a daughter there? I have to ask her a big favor.

CYNTHIA: It's Lynda she wants you, Laurie.

LAURIE: Lynda? (Confused) Why does she have your numb- nevermind? (She decides not to question) Lynda?

LYNDA: Who'd you expect Farrah Fawcett? I can't find anything to wear tonight. So could you grab your mini skirt with the black rose on the left asscheek and hand it to me at the party.

LAURIE: She wants to borrow the mini skirt with the black rose on the left butt cheek.

ANNIE: (Aside in a whisper) Damn! I wanted to borrow that!

MINDI: Me to. I wanted to ask you tomorrow, but...

LAURIE: (To Lynda on phone) Hi. Annie and Mindi are here. They want to borrow the same skirt.

LYNDA: Annie is totally a louse! …and Mindi is a damn punk! Hey is that guy still creeping around your backyard?

LAURIE: He stalked Mindi over here, and Annie followed him.

LYNDA: She's such a slut.

LAURIE: (Giggling) Yeah. We're debating whether it's Mindi's ex Dylan, Will Binder, or Mr. Grotch.

LYNDA: Well if you see him just go right up to him and give him a foot to his hard dick!

LAURIE: (Checking her watch) Lynda, I gotta go. Or Annie and I'll be late.

LYNDA: Okay.

LAURIE: Bye. (Hangs up)

CYNTHIA: (Receiving her phone from her daughter) Uhh… I thought you're taking Sandra trick or treating?

LAURIE: (About to go upstairs) Hmm… Oh no, she was invited to go with a friend!

CYNTHIA: What friend?

LAURIE: (Grabbing her sneakers) Well, I think it's the new kid in her class… not too sure…

ANNIE: (Prying) How about you grab me that cute purple scarf with the hearts while you're up their?

LAURIE: Fine, hold on.

MINDI: Oh! Could I borrow those red gimpish hairpins and your Black Sabbath belly T-shirt?

LAURIE: Fine, fine. (Exits upstairs)

CYNTHIA: (Looking out) I don't want you girls going until that guy is gone… Seems clear!

Laurie runs downstairs.

LAURIE: Promise me you won't rip any of my things?

MINDI: Don'ya sweat it!

ANNIE: (Mocking Lynda) I totally promise.

LAURIE: I totally don't believe you.

Laurie with miniskirt and pumpkin in her bag, and Annie exit. They enter Annie's mom's car on the corner.


	7. Sluts'rUs

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Micheal: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Judith Myers- Mila Kunis

Sheriff Lee Brackett- Regis Philbin

Deborah Myers- Nancy Sullivan

Elizabeth Myers- Michelle Pfeiffer

Micheal: age 10- Skyler Gisondo

Clover Destery: age 10- Jenny Gregg Stewart

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Lyle-Lynn Kester- Madison Davenport

Donn-Dany Kester- Max Thieriot

Dennis Brackett- Ryan Heinke

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Cynthia Strode- Uma Thurman

Mason Strode- Micheal Keaton

Mindi 'Demensia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

Isamel Cruz- Valente Rodriguez

(Rest of cast is same)

LAURIE: I need to get some alcohal in my system or I'll die.

ANNIE: Chill you, assmunch.(Slaps Laurie's thigh)

LAURIE: Fuck off!

The car pulls up in front of a two story manorhouse aged by time.

Loomis and Clover pull up in front of broken in hardware store, exits car, and approches Bracket.

LOOMIS: Sheriff! Pardon me, I'm uh, Loomis. Dr. Sam Loomis.

BRACKETT: Lee Brackett.

LOOMIS: I'd like to have a word with you if I could.

BRACKETT: It may be a few minutes, I gotta-

LOOMIS: It is important.

BRACKETT: Ten minutes.

LOOMIS: I'll be here.

Bak at the party.

LAURIE:(Drinking on couch surrounded by others) That assfuck Williams wouldn't know a cock from a cobra.

ROCHELLE: Excuse me!

LYNDA: Fuck off!

Brackett and Loomis approach Myers house.

LOOMIS: Does anybody live here?

BRACKETT: No, not since 1963 when it happened. Every kid in Haddonfield thinks this place is haunted.

LOOMIS: They may be right.(enter house)What is that?

BRACKETT: It's a dog.

LOOMIS: He got hungry.

BRACKETT: Coulda been a skunk. Man wouldn't do that.

LOOMIS: This isn't a man.(they ascend stairs, reach 2nd floor, enter Judith's old room)It happened in here. She was sitting right here. He could've seen her through this window. Standing on the lawn, he could have seen her-(broken gutter crashes through window, breaks it.)

CLOVER:(Screaming from downstairs) AHHHHHHHHHH! SAMUEL! LEE!

Both men run down steps and pull out guns to see Clover stnding in the middle of the family room beeing drenched in blood. Above blood is trickleing through a crack in the ceiling

LOOMIS:(Both men and Clover run back upstairs to Laurie's old room to see a corpse eagle-spread on hearth rug.)Now do you believe us?

BRACKETT: Seems to me you two just paranoid. It was probably an accident. This house is a death trap.(Pulls out walkie-talkie) This is Bracket I need an ambulence over at the old Myer's house.

CLOVER:(Rolls corpse over. Two stab woundds are in back) This was murder.

BRACKETT: Alright, what is this really about? I want the plain simple truth.

LOOMIS: I met Micheal Myers 15 years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding, not even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, of good or evil, right or wrong. I met this 10-year-old child with this blank, pale, emotionless face and the blackest eyes. The devil's eyes. I spent 8 years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized that what was living behind that boys eyes was purely and simply...evil.

BRACKETT: What do we do?

LOOMIS: He's been here once tonight. I think he'll come back. I'm going to wait for him.

CLOVER:(Concerned for Laurie's safety) What about Laurie?

BRACKETT: Laurie?

CLOVER: Laurie Strode, she is Micheal's sister, and Micheal has come back for her.

BRACKETT: I know where she is.

CLOVER:(Happily) You do?

BRACKETT: She and my daughter are babysitting across the street from each other. I still think we should notify the radio and television net- LOOMIS: No. If you do that they'll see him on every street corner, they'll look for him in every house. Just tell your men to keep their mouths shut and their eyes open.

CLOVER: Who does Laurie watch?

BRACKETT: Tommy Doyal, I believe?

CLOVER: I live down the street from the Doyal's.(She exits room, Brackett pulls her back in)I'll keep watch over there.(Once again she departs from room)

BRACKETT: I'll check back in an hour. (descends stairs, exits.)

Hours later at the party Laurie is now super drunk and kissing Lynda with tongue.

LYNDA:(Pulls away) Shit!

LAURIE: What?

LYNDA: I have to head out now.

LAURIE: Aww... man.

ANNIE:(Enters with joint in hand) Fuck! We should head out to.

LAURIE: Fine...

Three leave house as Lynda heads for Bob's car which is parked on corner. Annie and Laurie head in other direction for Annie's Mom's car.

LAURIE: What are you gonna wear to Lydna's beach house tomorrow?

ANNIE: I didn't know you thought about things like that, Laurie. You know, you could ask somebody to tag-a-long if you catch my drift.

LAURIE: How high are you right now?

ANNIE: Well you can ask Dick Baxter, he'd go with you.

LAURIE: I'd rather go out with Ben Tramer.

ANNIE: Ben Tramer? Oh My God! So you do think about things like that, huh Laurie?

LAURIE: Fuck you!

ANNIE: He's cute! Ben Tramer!

LAURIE: You said he's retarded, now you think he's cute?

ANNIE: He's not short bus retarded. Laurie, you need a boyfriend.

LAURIE: I do not! I can manage without sex.

ANNIE: Yeah, your right. You probably pleasure yourself with an expensive vibrator.(Laughs)

LAURIE: Fuck off!

The shape still follows the car. As the car pulls up in front of the Doyal house. The shape parks at the corner. Laurie exits the car as Annie pulls into the Wallace's driveway. Laurie enters the house.

LAURIE: Hey, Tommy!

TOMMY:(On couch) Yeah?

LAURIE: I want to apologise for ealier.(She plops down next to him)

TOMMY:(After a while) Okay.

LAURIE: So what first?

TOMMY: Read to me.

LAURIE: Um... sure.(Exits room and pulls out comic books from bag)

TOMMY: You read comics?

LAURIE: Yes, why?

TOMMY: You're a girl. I have my own collection.(pulls out comics from under couch)

LAURIE: Why do you keep 'em under there?

TOMMY: Mom doesn't like me to have 'em.

LAURIE: Galaxy Man, Laser Man, Neutron Man...I can't understand why.

TOMMY: Laurie, is the bogeyman real?

LAURIE:(Sarcastically) Yes, and on Halloween night he comes out from the shadows and attacks kids who don't believe.

TOMMY:(Scared) H-how do you know?

LAURIE: Well before I babysitted you, I babysitted that missing boy Lester Keyboll. And on Halloween night after I put him to bed. The bogeyman lept out of the shadowy corner of the room and took Lester away.(Laurie's cellphone rings, Tommy jumps as Laurie answers it)

LAURIE: Talk to meh.

ANNIE: It's me!

LAURIE: Hi, Annie, what are you doing?

ANNIE: Making popcorn. So having fun? Never mind, I'm sure you are. I have fucking mindblowing news for you.(dog begins barking at Annie)Oops. Hold on. Hi, Kester. I'm about to be ripped apart by the family dog.(Laurie laughs on phone as the Shape watches Annie from the window.)Lindsey, get this fucking mutt out of the kitchen right now!(Lindsey is absorbed in TV)I hope he finds the drugged dog food. I hate that dog. I'm the only person in the world he doesn't like. I want to throw it of a bridge.

LAURIE:(Laughs harder) So what is this fucking mindblowing news?

ANNIE: What would you say if I told you that you were going to Lynda's accompanied by someone?

LAURIE: I'd probably say you have lost your fucking mind.

ANNIE: Well, I just talked with Paul about his buddy and your crush Ben Tramer.

LAURIE: Are you shiting me? Please tell me you are shiting me. How the fuck could you do that to me? I mean what in the name of God would make you just call out person up like that? I can't fucking believe you.(Tommy gets up and peers out window. He sees the Shape across the street)Oh, I'm so fucking embarrassed.(After a short moment of regaining her composure)Well what'd he say?

ANNIE: He said and I quote, "Dude she's the fucking hot!"

LAURIE: I couldn't even have the courage to stand him up. Oh... Annie.

TOMMY: Laurie, the bogeyman's outside. Laurie he's out there. Laurie, the bogeyman's outside, look.

LAURIE: Hold on.(looks out window)Tommy, there's nobody outside. Go watch TV.(back to phone)Just Tommy.(Shape still watches Annie)

ANNIE: Look, it's fucking simple. You think he's sexy, he thinks you're sexy, all you needed was is a little push! Well, it won't hurt you to go out with him for fuck's sake. Shoot! No, I just made a mess of myself I gotta call you back.(hangs up)Oh fuck!(takes off shirt and pants, gets new shirt and puts it on. While Shape leaves, knocks down a plant in the process, pot breaks, Annie ignores it. Annie finds detergent as thedog begins barking at the Shape)Lindsey, Kester's fucking barking again and getting on my fucking nerves again!(dog whimpers away)Never mind. Guess he found the food.(Michael has killed the dog.)

Tommy and Laurie watch TV.

TOMMY: What about the pizza?

LAURIE: After the movie.

TOMMY: What about the jack-o-lantern?

LAURIE: After the pizza.

TOMMY: What about the rest of my comic books?

LAURIE: After the jack-o'-lantern.

TOMMY: What about the bogeyman?

LAURIE: Tommy, there's no such thing.

TOMMY: Richie said he was coming after me tonight.

LAURIE: Richie Van Der Klok?

TOMMY: Yeah?

LAURIE: He's on meth.

TOMMY: But-

LAURIE: Tommy, Halloween night...it's when people play tricks on each other. It's all make believe.

TOMMY: But I saw the bogeyman! I saw him outside.

LAURIE: That was probably Kester.

TOMMY: It wasn't.

LAURIE: What'd he look like?

TOMMY: The bogeyman.

LAURIE:(To self) I doubt you'll pass fouth grade. Alright. The bogeyman can only come out on Halloween night, right?

TOMMY: Right.

LAURIE: Well I'm here tonight. Do you think I'm not about to let anything happen to you.

TOMMY: Promise?

LAURIE: Promise.

TOMMY: Can we make the order pizza now? I'm hungry.

LAURIE: Yep. I'm hungry, too.


	8. Stuck in window? Is that a new position?

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Micheal: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Paul- James Franco

Bob Simms- Joe Jonas

Judith Myers- Mila Kunis

Sheriff Lee Brackett- Regis Philbin

Deborah Myers- Nancy Sullivan

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Cynthia Strode- Uma Thurman

Mason Strode- Micheal Keaton

Mindi 'Demensia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

(Rest of cast is same)

Annie walks over to utility room, still only wearing a shirt and panties as the light switch doesn't work.

ANNIE: Oh, Fuck me!(she slams the door shut and hears footsteps as she gets Tide detergent.)Hello? Whose there? Paul, is this one of your cheap tricks? (looks outside, sees nothing)This isn't fucking funny.(desides it was nothing)Guess not. No tricks for Annie tonight.(puts clothes in washer, adds detergent, turns it on while the door slams shut, Annie knocks on it several times)Fuck! Lindsey! Lindsey, come out here! Lindsey! I'm in the laundry room and the door won't open!

At the Strode house Mason and Cynthia Strode are strolling out down the driveway towards the car.

CYNTHIA:(Entering passengers seat) You told Laurie we were going to Vegas for the weekend, right?(Mason looks away)Oh, god dammit Mason I asked you to remember this one thing and you can't. Drive.(Mason pulls out of the driveway as Cynthia calls Laurie on her cell)

LAURIE:(Picking up her phone while she swallows a bite of pizza)Hello?

CYNTHIA: Laurie?

LAURIE: Hi mom whats up? Yeah I'm fine. Eating pizza with Tommy. Pineapple and Ham, its the only thing about him I like I can order my favorite pizza and he'll eat it.

CYNTHIA: Well I called because your father(she glared at Mason)and I are going to Vegas for the weekend and you and Claudia will be home alone can I trust you?

LAURIE: No sweat mom.

CYNTHIA: I love you.(Mason mouths 'I love you too' looking at Cynthia as they pass the Wallace house)Your father loves you t- MASON LOOK OUT!

LAURIE: Mom? Mom? MOM!

CYNTHIA:(ignoring Laurie)What did you hit?

MASON:(Steps out of the car and sees he has hit the shape)Oh Shit!

CYNTHIA: Whats wrong did we hit a deer?

MASON: A deer doesn't wear a blue jumpsuit and a halloween mask.

LAURIE:(On phone still)Mom? Mom are you still there? Mom what happened?

CYNTHIA:(Whimpers)We need to call the police.(The shape springs up and grabs Mason by the neck)HOLY FUCKING ASS CRACKERS!(the shape slits Mason's throat and his blood spatters the windshield hiding the shape from view)MASON!

LAURIE: MOM! MOM WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?

CYNTHIA:(Rolls up window and locks door)Fuck!(Mason's face smashes through the windshield)AHHHH!(she leans over to the pasenger door as the shape crashed through grabbing the lock and undoing it)No! Please, no!(He grabs her leg and drags her out of the car)No!(she pulls the cellphone out)

LAURIE: MOM!

The shape hearing Laurie picks up the phone while holding Cynthia by her ankle and shakes it in her face.

CYNTHIA:(Looks at him with pleading and defiance)No!(the shape throws Cynthia into the hood of the car)No!(She pulls over to the other side to get away but the shape grabs her hair and holds her up)No!(the shape waves the phone into her face)

LAURIE:(crying now)MOM!

CYNTHIA: No! No! You leave my baby alone!(He smashes her face into the asphalt with siuh force her face litteraly implodes)

LAURIE:(On phone with shape now)Mom?(The shape smashes the phone)

Inside the Wallace house in the TV room when the phone rings.

ANNIE:(In the laundry room)Oh, Lindsey get the phone. It's Paul! Lindsey! Lindsey!

LINDSEY:(Answers phone)Hello?

PAUL: Hi, Lindsey it's Paul. Is Annie there?

LINDSEY: Yeah I think so.

PAUL: Could you get her for me?

LINDSEY: She's washing her clothes.

PAUL: Just tell her it's me, okay?

LINDSEY: Okay(hangs up phone. Lindsey runs out to laundry room)Annie, Paul called!

ANNIE:(from inside): Ow!

LINDSEY:(runs to laundry room and enters)You locked yourself in.

ANNIE: No shit sherlock! Help me!(Lindsey pulls her out of the window)Promise me you won't tell anybody about this?(They both exit the laundry room, phone rings and they both run to the house)

LINDSEY:(answering phone)She got stuck in the window, she'll be right here.(hands phone to Annie)

ANNIE: Hello.

PAUL: Stuck in a window? Is that code for I'm naked?

ANNIE: It could happen to anyone.

PAUL: Sure.

ANNIE: Yeah, but I've seen you stuck in plenty of other positions remember when your cock was stuck in that boomwhacker.

PAUL: Hmm... Is it okay if I come over now?

ANNIE: Now? Well I'm expecting a call from Lynda but-

PAUL: So.

ANNIE: Hmm... okay let me get Lindsey over to the Doyal house, first.(the shape is watching through window)

ANNIE: Did your dad take your keys?

PAUL: No.

ANNIE:(surprised) No?

PAUL: I'll pick you up and we can go back to my house.

ANNIE: I can't now, my clothes are in the wash. Oh, why don't you fuck off, horny bastard! God, I've got a shirt and jeans skort on. That's all you ever think about.

PAUL: I think that's all you ever think about.

ANNIE: That's not true, I think about lots of things. Hold on I've got another call. Hello.

LAURIE:(frantically in bedroom)What is you dad's number?

ANNIE: Hold up? Whats wrong you sound like you were just at a stag party and someone got alcohal poisoning?

LAURIE:(histerically)I think my parents are dead?


	9. The stabbed vagina monologues

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Micheal: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Paul- James Franco

Bob Simms- Joe Jonas

Judith Myers- Mila Kunis

Sheriff Lee Brackett- Regis Philbin

Deborah Myers- Nancy Sullivan

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Cynthia Strode- Uma Thurman

Mason Strode- Micheal Keaton

Mindi 'Demensia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

(Rest of cast is same)

Blue van approaches Myers house, stops, out come Lynda and her boyfriend Bob. They see Loomis pull away.

BOB: Well I see we weren't the only ones dared to do this. (Bob picks Lynda up and carries her.)

LYNDA:(Caught off guard) Bob what the fuck! Ahaha, Bob this is totally silly, put me down!(He lets her down) So who do you think Mindy and Rochelle'll send to see if we're doing it.

BOB: If it's all the same I'm totally into sex romps.

LYNDA:(Rolls her eyes) Hey, it's totally dark.

BOB: No Shit, Sherlock!(the two begin kissing, they get on couch and begin to make out) (Shape is in the on stairwell listening)

Inside the Doyal house Laurie is still histerically crying.

LAURIE: Annie this isn't a joke.

ANNIE: Laurie listen to some reason. If your parents were dead a cop would've found their bodies by now plus you and Claudia would've been informed.

LAURIE:(Sniffles) You know what? You're right. I better not keep you waiting. Hey, when are you bringing Lindsey over.

ANNIE: In a minute or so.(Hangs up and enters TV room)

LINDSEY: I'm scared.

ANNIE: Then humor me. Why are you sitting here with all the lights off?

LINDSEY: I don't know.

ANNIE: What's with children and 'I don't know.' Well, c'mon get your coat, I'm going to pick up Paul.

LINDSEY: Then where the hell do I go?

ANNIE:(motherly, wagging finger)Language, missy. Look, Lindsey, I've worked something out with Laurie.

LINDSEY: But I wanna watch this.

ANNIE: Okay. Well thats why I fixed it so you can watch TV with Tommy Doyal would you like that?

LINDSEY: You've got to be kidding!

ANNIE: I gonna asume thats kid code for 'Sure lets go'!

Inside Clover's house Clover is watching the news and drinking a soda.

REPORTER: Breaking news! We have just recieved word about two bodies found in a deadly collision off of Goroleotta road. The bodies have been identified as 51-year-old Mason Strode-(she spit her soda out)- and his 47-year-old wife Cynthia Strode. Now it appeared that Mason was driving because bits of his skin were found on the driver's wheel, while Cynthia was in the passengers seat. It seems they hit someone and Mason was hoved through the dashboard and the Cynthia's neck was snapped while she was on the phone. Police are looking for their killer now and believe he is badly injured because he or she was the one hit.

CLOVER: Oh fuck!(Clover grabbed her phone from her purse and called Sam)Sam it's Clover.

LOOMIS: Clover, did he find Laurie?

CLOVER: No, but he's getting close.

LOOMIS: Close?

CLOVER: The Strodes where just found murdered four and a half miles away from this street.

LOOMIS: Hmm... get in contact with Lee and meet me at the location were they were murdered.

CLOVER: Okay.(She hangs up)

Back at the Doyal house.

ANNIE: Hi, Tommy. Where's your girlfriend Laurie?

TOMMY: Hi, come on in, we're making a jack-o-lantern.

LINDSEY: I want to watch television...

LAURIE: Annie, I'm in here. (enter kitchen, Laurie carving jack-o-lantern)

ANNIE:(In kitchen entrance)Hi!

LAURIE: Oh, wow. This is to easy.(observing Annie's apparel)

ANNIE: What's to easy?

LAURIE: Making fun of you. You make it too easy.

ANNIE: This has not been my night. I spilt butter all over my clothes and there in the wash. I got stuck in the laundry room window then-

LAURIE: Enough fucking talk, I'd like you to call Ben Tramer and tell him that you were just fooling around.

ANNIE: Oh come on Laurie. You'll never get an opportunity like this again. Like I've told you when it comes to you asking guys out your as incoherent as a Mexican with a speech impediment, besides I can't.

LAURIE: Yes you can. You just don't wany to.

ANNIE: No, for reals. He went drinking with Rodolfo Nimmoy Jr. and he won't be back till late. You'll have to deal with him tomorrow. Besides, I'm on my way to pick up Paul.

LAURIE: Wait a motherfucking minute...

ANNIE: Listen, I'll consider talking to Ben Tramer in the morning, if you... hmm... give me your photo of you, me and Lynda with The Blue Oyster Cult.

LAURIE: Thats my most prized possesion.

ANNIE: Well then enjoy Ben Tramer's company tomorrow.

LAURIE: Deal. I thought Paul was grounded. ANNIE: He was, but he blamed it on gravity. Listen, I'll call you in an hour or so, okay?

LAURIE: Yeah.

ANNIE: Bye, Lovey.

LAURIE: Bye, Boo.(Annie exits)The old girl scout comes through again.

TOMMY:(After pizza is finished off)He's gonna getchya!

LINDSEY: Fuck off, Tommy.

LAURIE: Hey, nobody's getting anybody now stop.(she looks out window)Everybody's having a good time tonight. All right, you guys, what's next?

LINDSEY: Let's make more popcorn.

TOMMY: Yeah!

LAURIE: No, I think we've had enough to bloat six elephants. How 'bout we watch the rest of the movie.

LINDSEY: Fine.(they sit down on sofa & watch TV while Laurie's cell rings)

LAURIE: You've reached the number of unfun babysitting service.

LYNDA: What's up?

LAURIE: Oh, just sitting down for the first time tonight.

LYNDA: Hey is Annie around?

LAURIE: No she left to pick up Paul an hour ago thought she'd be home by now.

LYNDA: Well she's totally not at the Wallace place.

LAURIE: Probably stopped off some place. Call her and tell her to call me, I have Lindsey here and I want to know what time to put her to bed.

LYNDA: Oh-kay! Hey I was thinking about earlier when I was kissing you and Rochelle said I'm a whorefuck who can't stop fucking around.

LAURIE: Yeah! Why?

LYNDA: Well do you think I'm a whorefuck?

LAURIE: No, not at all your just very sexually active and thats good.

LYNDA: Aww... thank you.

LAURIE: No problem. Just remember that you are what you choose to be.

LYNDA: Woah! That's like totally deep.

LAURIE: My parents think I'm a pholosophor. Well anyway, have a good time.

LYNDA: We totally will.(hangs up. She grabs her beer thats empty. Go get me a beer?

BOB: Yeah.

LYNDA: Well get off your lazy ass and get me my beer!

BOB: Yeah.

LYNDA: Go get me a fucking beer, NOW!

BOB: I'll be right back. Don't get dressed.(Bob leaves and Lynda stays in bed smoking. Bob descends stairs and goes to kitchen)

Back at the Wallace house.

ANNIE: Well here we are.

PAUL: So...

ANNIE: So...(Annie lunges at Paul and they start a tongue wrestling match)

Inside the Doyal the kids are watching TV and Tommy gets up, goes behind the sofa, hides behind curtain.

TOMMY:(menacing tone)Lindsey, Lindsey...

LINDSEY: Tommy were the hell'd you go?(Tommy looks out window and sees Paul's sillohette in window falling on Annie)

TOMMY:(screaming)I saw the bogeyman! He's outside. The bogeyman's outside! The bogeyman he's outside!

LAURIE:(approaching)Oh, Tommy, stop it! You're scaring Lindsey! Tommy stop it, now there's nobody out there. There's no bogeyman. Now if you don't stop all this I'm gonna have to turn off the TV and send you to bed.

TOMMY: Nobody believes me.

At the Myers house Bob is grabbing a beer out of the cooler in the living room. Something clangs in closet.

BOB: Annie? Paul? Linda, you assfuck. C'mon out.(opens other door, Shape burst out and begins strangling Bob against Wall, stabs him with knife the Shape looks at Bob, who is stabbed to the wall as he hears a sound like metal on metal...)

ROCHELLE:(Climbing ladder at back of house)Mindy tell me again what we are doing?

MINDY: Well we are going to get a naked Lynda photo and put it in the yearbook.

ROCHELLE:(Climbing onto back balcony)Oh yeah!

MINDY: You wait here.

ROCHELLE: Why?

MINDY: I heard Bob downstairs, so keep watch.(She slinks out into hallway and turns corner to see the shape draped in the sheet.)Fuck!(The shape turns about and puts beer on banister and heads for Mindy and strangles her)Bob?(She dies, and the shape drgs her to back room where Rochelle is)

ROCHELLE: Mindy?(Turns to see shape as he slits her throat)

Back in the front bedroom Lynda turns on the radio to _Blue Oyster Clut- Don't Fear The Reaper_.

LYNDA:(Hearing shape approch) Hey, Bob could you move your pokey ass any slower?(Turns)Oh that's cute. Let me guess your Sheetman? No, 4-ply playboy? Oh wait I have it, the bionic blanket!(Shape doesn't stir)See anything you like?(giggles while she exposes her breasts)What's the matter, can't I get your ghost, Bob? (laughing)Alright, alright, c'mon, beer?(Ghost breathes)Come on Ghostfuck! Beer! Now!(shape doesn't move once more)What the fuck, Bob! I want my beer! God Bob why do you have to be such a dick everytime we do this(gets up and goes to shape)Better not touch me in that thing. Well I'm calling Laurie. I wanna know where Paul and Annie are. This is going nowhere.(She turns as the shape grbs her arm)Bob? Let go! What the fuck do you think your doing Bob?!(She slaps the shape)Bob! ANSWER ME!(Slaps him again)BOB!(she tears the sheet off)What the fuck!(Shape lunges for her and she ducks and heads out of hall to bathroom)Fuck! My phone!(She picks up her clothes which she left in the bathroom)Laurie!(she dials her number)

LAURIE: Hello?

LYNDA: I need help!

LAURIE: What?

LYNDA: Help me!(shape opens door and she drops her phone and heads to steam window above shower)

LAURIE: Lynda?

LYNDA:(Grunting as she lifts herself through window)Fuck my ass is too big!(Shape comes up behind her and starts to stab her up her pussy and she releases a bloodcurdling scream into the night) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!(She grows limp and slids back through window in a pool of blood escaping her mutalated vigina)

LAURIE: LYNDA!!(the shape crushes Lynda's phone)


	10. Pop goes the Chimeny!

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Micheal: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Paul- James Franco

Bob Simms- Joe Jonas

Sheriff Lee Brackett- Regis Philbin

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Mindi 'Demensia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

(Rest of cast is same)

ANNIE:(Openning front door of Wallace house) Alright so, I'm going to grab some booze first m'kay?

PAUL: Sure.

At Conventient store fourteen blocks away.

LOOMIS: Okay so that twenty dollars for the large coffee and doughnuts, you said?

CASHIER:(Blowing bubble with gum) Mmmhmm...

LOOMIS: Okay thank you.(Hands twenty as cell rings)Hold on.(Pulls out phone)Uh hello?

CLOVER:(In front of Myer's house) Theres a large blue van out front.

LOOMIS:(Looking out window) No there not.

CLOVER:(Slapping self on forehead) No at the Myers' house.

LOOMIS: Oh.

CASHIER: Sir?

LOOMIS:(Remembering where he is) What?

CASHIER: Can you take your bags?

LOOMIS: God teenagers these days don't have an ounce of patience.

CLOVER: What?

LOOMIS:(Taking bags) Nothing, now what about this blue van? What does the lisence plate say?

CLOVER:(Bending down to read as shape walks behind van and down the street) BOBSMMS.

LOOMIS:(About to open door) BOBSMMS?

CASHIER: Excuse me, sir?

LOOMIS: Yes, miss.

CASHIER:(Coming out from behind counter and walking up to him) That my friend Bob Simms van.

LOOMIS: Simms? Why does that sound familiar?

CASHIER: His father works with sheriff Brakket.

LOOMIS: I'm sorry, dear. What is your name?

CASHIER: Mindi. Mindi 'Demensia' Loiffier.

LOOMIS: Well Mindi I-

CLOVER: Wait did she just say Mindi Loiffier?

LOOMIS: Yes, why?

CLOVER: She's a student of mine. She lives next door to Laurie.

MINDI: Laurie, Laurie Strode?

LOOMIS: Yes.

CLOVER: Ask if she knows where the Myers' place is.

LOOMIS: Do you know where the Myers' place is?

MINDI: Yes, I do everyne does. Bob and Lynda were dared to do it in the Myers' house.

LOOMIS:(Hurriedly) Clover go check the house he's there!

CLOVER:(Looks at house) Okay, Sam.

LOOMIS:(Hangs up) Mindi was it? Yes, could you come with me.

MINDI: I'm not alowed to leave until twelve.

LOOMIS: Laurie is in danger and you might be the only one who stands between her and an early death!

MINDI: What! Okay let me lock up first.

Back at the Wallace house.

ANNIE: (Tipsy) Woah? Thats whack.

PAUL: Your telling me.(Spills vodka on Annie's shirt)Allow me.(Dives facefirst into Annie's chest and starts to lick her skin.)Enough small talk, the jury's out, let's fuck!

The Shape comes through the back door.

PAUL:(Pulls her shirt) Your so fucking warm!

ANNIE: Don't pull it like that assfuck!

PAUL:(Seductively) Why Munchie?

ANNIE: Cause it's expensive assfuck!

PAUL:(Pulls her shirt off) Well, well, well. I see we've grown since last time.

ANNIE:(Pulls her pants and underwear off) Let's see what we have in here?(Put's her hand down his pants and feels his throbbing cock)I want you inside me so fucking much!(Pulls his pants down and he thrusts inside her)Oh... oh... oh fuck... yes!

PAUL:(Scrunting face) Wait for it... wait for it... and... boom goes the dynamite...

ANNIE:(Licks lips in satisfied manor) You got that from something,(Pulls bra off)and your right. I grew a cup size. Have a feel.

PAUL: I'd rather lick 'em.(Lolls tongue out as shape appears)Yeah hoose thees.(He starts to lick her nipples)

ANNIE:(Moans) Fuck yeah!(Looks up and sees shape holding knife)Ahh... ahh... Paul?

PAUL:(Stops) What?(Looks into Annie's eyes and sees shapes sillohuette)What the-!(Turns to shape as it grabs him)

ANNIE:(Gets up) AHHHHHHHHH!

PAUL: What the fuck dude!(Shape stabs him)Runnhh...(Shape turns on Annie)

ANNIE: AHHHH!(Runs into kitchen and stumbles)Fuck!(Crawls into den)

The Shape goes into kitchen.

ANNIE:(Locks door behind her) What do you want!(Cries as she looks at the open side door)Shit.(She runs to other door and locks it as a sound is heard form the kitchen)Paul?(Shape crashes through door)

At Doyal house.

LAURIE:(Looking out window) Hmm... lot of noise coming from Lindsey's house.(Pulls out phone and calls house)

Back at Wallace house.

ANNIE: AHHH!(Looks at chimeny and darts towards it)Ugh.(Shape climbs through door as she goes up chimeny)God!(The shape goes over to chimeny and stabs upward wildly)Oh Fuck!(Climbs to top and finds grate covering top)Oh motherfucker!(Shape comes out of chimeny and pulls it back and forth)Shit!(Chimeny wobbles loose and falls off side of house)AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

LAURIE:(losing balance as chimeny crash has power of eathquake) Holy Shit!

ANNIE:(Covered in soot and brick dust) Oh god!(Looking at Doyal house)Laurie!(Shape grabs feet and drags her back in house through hole)

LAURIE: Jesus Christ! This is getting ridiculus. Tommy, Lindsey. BEDTIME!!(Two follow her order)Okay now this is starting to worry me.


	11. The Killer Type Thriller Hype

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes

Micheal: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards

Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti

Paul- James Franco

Bob Simms- Joe Jonas

Sheriff Lee Brackett- Regis Philbin

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Mindi 'Demensia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

(Rest of cast is same)

LAURIE: (Corraling kids into first bedroom) Go-go-go! Under the bed now! (She closes the door runs down hall as shape reaches first bedroom and enters)

LINDSEY: (Whimpering) Laurie?

TOMMY: Shh! (The shape eyes the bed)

In Loomis' car Clover is still mad over the decision of Mindi hepling them as her phone rings.

CLOVER: (Answering phone) Hello? (Pauses) Oh hello Ms. Greene. Wait- what- slow down! (Loomis and Mindi look at one another) Who? A brunnett with Teal top-Laurie! (Her cell rings again) Hold on I have another call.(Presses button) Hello! Oh Lee thank god.

BRACKETT: (In cop car on phone) Clover, I think he's on the steet.

CLOVER: (Gasps) What makes you think that?

BRACKETT: About five minutes ago a 9-1-1 respondant contacted me and said she triangulated a call from a house on the street... it's the house Annie's babysitting at. Hold on I'm pulling up.

CLOVER: Do you see the car?

BRACKETT: (Emerging from car looking around) No.

CLOVER: (Thinking) Michael's smarter than that he probably parked a mile up the road.

BRACKETT: (Pushing Wallace front door open) I'm entering the house. (Spotting his bloodstained daughter and her dead boyfriend) Annie? Sweetie?

ANNIE: (Faintly) D-daddy?

BRACKETT: I gotta go! (hangs up)

CLOVER: (Waving her unoccupied hand) No Lee wait! Shit! (Looking at Loomis then Mindi) Buckle up.

Back at Doyal house.

LAURIE: (Madly dashes down hall towards bedroom) NO!! (Shape turns and slashs her forehead)

TOMMY: (Crawls out) LAURIE!! (Tommy clings to shape's leg) Narr!! (Bites down on shape's leg as shape wobbles out of room and over stairwell

LAURIE: (Laurie descends stairs, goes to Tommy) TOMMY?!!

LINDSEY: (Rushing next to Laurie) Tommy!

TOMMY: (Coming to) Laur- Laurie?

LAURIE: Oh thank God! (She squezes the two kids) Your both gonna to take a little walk.

TOMMY: But the bogeyman...

LAURIE: You killed him.

TOMMY: You can't kill the bogeyman!

LAURIE: I want you to listen to me. (She releases kids and they kneel in front of Laurie) I want you to go out of the house, go down the street to the Mackenzie's house. I want you to knock on their door, I want you tell 'em to call the police and tell them to send them over here. All right?

TOMMY: (Whimpering) But-

LAURIE: Do as I say! (The kids get up) Go. (They leave the house as Laurie supports herself up on her feet using the shape) Jesus! He's cold! (Shape grabs her arm) AHH!! Let go!(Shape stands) HELP!! (Laurie screams as Loomis enters house)

LOOMIS: (Hearing Laurie's cry for help) Mindi wait here! (Clover and Loomis exit vehicle)

CLOVER: (Running with Loomis towards door seeing shape) Michael!

LOOMIS: Michael! Stop! (Shape releases Laurie and he heads for Loomis)

LAURIE: AHH!! (She runs up the stairs)

CLOVER: (Cocking gun in shape's face) Don't move Michael! (Shape snaps her wrist causing her to drop her gun) Oww! (He tosses her out side window)

LOOMIS: (Firing shot at shape who falls) It's over... (He walks over to Michael who grabs his foot pulling him down as the each grapple the other trying to get gun, in the struggle a few shot fire upward) Damn! (The shape take's his gun from his hand and shoots him)

LAURIE: (Avoiding stray shots) AHH!! (Laurie runs to open attic door and trips on her way up steps) AHH!! (Shape pulls her leg) NO!! (Shape pulls her away walks down the stairs hitting her head on banister knocking her out)

Inside Loomis' car Mindi unbuckles after watching Clover being thrown out window.

MINDI: (Openning car door while taking safety off gun) I hope I'm not too late. (She runs into the house as shape exits through back door) Shit! Where the fuck did he go? Think! Maybe something Loomis said might give you a clue! Think!? He's Laurie's brother! That's it! (She runs out the back door and heads in dirrection of Myers house


	12. The Shot Heard 'round the Globe

Character List

Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge

Annie Brackett- Emma Watson

Micheal: age 25- Matthew McConaughey

Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor

Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell

Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo

Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin

Sheriff Lee Brackett- Regis Philbin

Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate

Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles

Mindi 'Demensia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster

LAURIE: (Wakes up in a bedroom at Myers' House) Fuck! (She looks at her bloodstained hands) Oh God! (She staggers to her feet as the Shape lingers in the background) Is someone there? (She stumbles to door) Hello? (The Shape charges her out of bedroom and though the wall across hall into another bedroom)

MINDI: (On stairs watching as Laurie is slammed through the wall by Shape she cocks her gun) LAURIE?! (Mindi reaches hole in wall the Shape has Laurie in the fetal position) Eat lead you fucking monster! (She shoots Michael at point blank range with gun Michael staggers back and falls out window) Laurie? (She runs over to Laurie)

LAURIE: Was that the boogeyman?

MINDI: (Giggles) Well in some sense yes- yes I guess that was (She looks out window to only see the ground print made by Michael's fall)

LAURIE: (Sniffles) It's all over Right?


End file.
